why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
