Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
