You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
