Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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