She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
jump out the window naked night went bad
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