Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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