Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
