She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize