I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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