I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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