i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
