I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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