I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
