remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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