I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
