No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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