I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
