someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize