Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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