I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
