Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
