im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
