Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
