My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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