At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
