Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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