We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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