oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
being pregnant is like rehab
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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