It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize