if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
