you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
