I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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