New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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