grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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