brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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