I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
