Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
