Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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