Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
