just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
