Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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