Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
