Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
