My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
