i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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