How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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