I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Are my feet made of real feet?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
