My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
