My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
