Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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