i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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