she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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