I'm eating all of the evidence.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You pole danced in your parka.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
