I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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