Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
