You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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