I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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