Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
