So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
