just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
