Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
