Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
