You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
