dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
