I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
