mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
