I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
