To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
