His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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