I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
